


George Washington is tired of everyone's bullshit

by MintyBear



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron Burr is So Done, Angry Angelica Schuyler, Comedy, Divorced Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, F/F, Funny, George III of the United Kingdom Being an Asshole, George Washington is a Dad, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, M/M, Minor Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Other, Past Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Peggy Schuyler Has a Crush, Poor Aaron Burr, The Author Regrets Nothing, Why Did I Write This?, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26457355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintyBear/pseuds/MintyBear
Summary: George Washington is tired of everyone's bullshit.Hamilton crackScenariosRelationships/shipsSome may be inspired by sounds I've heard on Tik Tok/Vines/etc.
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Maria Reynolds/Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46





	1. Thomas is in the Cabinet

“Thomas, Where have you been?” Thomas paused for a second before responding. “Uh, I am in the Cabinet.” George looked bewildered and upset. Tired about dealing with Thomas’ bullshit for the third fucking time that day. “Can you get out?” Eyes looked back at the General in front of him and said. “No can do my brother, for once you join the Cabinet, there is no way out.” Maddison popped out of a cabinet door and agreed with him. “He tells the truth, for once you join this cult, you can’t leave.” Suddenly, Hamilton looked out of a cabinet and looked at George before slithering his way back in. “H-How many of you are in there?” George had asked, terrified at what he had seen. Thomas laughed before popping his head back in and coming out a few minutes later.  
“So far we have, Lafayette, Lauren’s, Hamilton, Eliza, Peggy, Angelica, and Mulligan. They have been in there with me for a few days. Why, want to join us?” Suddenly, hands started coming out of the cabinet doors and started talking, trying to persuade George to join. George turned around and ran out, screaming “Fuck this shit I’m out.” and “Why God Why?” Thomas looked back towards his cult and moved back in. “Where’s Burr?” Asked Hamilton. “He said that he couldn’t come, Theodosia’s keeping him busy.” They all understood and went back to sacrificing the many clothes that King George kept in his closet. Before they did that though, Hamilton responded with, “I guess that makes sense. He’s always complaining about not being in the room where it happened. Don’t know what that means though.” Peggy looked at him and said, “Ah, he must be going crazy again.” They all laughed at that and went back to their sacrifice.


	2. Clap yo hands

*Thomas walks into a room* 

"Hey, everybody clap yo hands!"

*Everybody starts to clap while George sighs in disappointment.*

"Thomas, this is the fourth time this week. You cannot simply say that everytime you walk into a room." "I'll do whatever I want bitch!" George ran out and chased Thomas, all you could hear where the agonizing screams from a fallen comrade. "*Sips* And that's the tea sis." Peggy comments.


	3. He do be sailing tho

It was a normal day for Thomas. Wake up, go to work, and come back to annoy James as much as possible. James had been busy learning a new song on the keyboard that he had bought recently. As he was happily playing the chorus and minding his own business, he heard Thomas barge into his room. "What are you doing there James?" He sighed before playing the chorus for Thomas. "Oh," Thomas started; "You can continue, I'm just gonna stay here and watch you." Even though James knew that he would most likely cause some trouble, he let him stay there. As he played the chorus for the millionth time, Thomas soon got bored. So doing what anyone else would do in his situation, he shouted "Sail!" when that part came on and kicked the keyboard.

James scrambled to get it before Thomas had run out James room before going into his own and locking the door. 'I'm not gonna last long am I?' As Thomas contemplated what to do and how to pay him back for it had it of broken, he heard a chainsaw. "Oh Thomas, sweet sweet Thomas, you really shouldn't have done that. I'll have Hamilton arrange your funeral for me, this way I have more time to hide your body." As James let out a laugh, Thomas hid and called Angelica for help. "Angelica, I did something stupid and James is gonna kill me." As Angelica listened to what he said, she put the phone on speaker so her, Peggy, and Eliza could hear the events about to occur. "Your on your own." Before Thomas could hang up, he heard James shout. "Come here lover-boy!" As the sounds of screams and wails erupted from the phone, the three on the phone laughed at Thomas' utter agony.


	4. Leemons

John had sat down at his table with a box of Life brand cereal. As he poured the cereal into his bowl, the cereal was not cereal, but instead lemons. John had been about ready to cry, but instead opted for a joke.

"Whelp, when life gives you lemons!" 

Music could be heard from the background as John cried hysterically about not having his favorite cereal for breakfast. Hamilton walked into the dining room and saw John crying before looking at the bowl full of lemons. He sat in the chair across from John and said. "It was just a prank."

That didn't help John at all and so he continued to cry about his ruined cereal.


	5. Opinion

"Hey John I just came by to say-" 

John was seen posing in front if a mirror moving his arms and hands in different positions. There was loud music playing as John did random face expressions in front of his phone. He turned around to see Alexander and paused his phone. "Oh! Hey Alex, I was just doing a cosplay trend on Tik Tok. It's pretty fun, wanna give it a try?" John wiggled his eyebrows in a silly manner and walked towards his boyfriend. Before Alex could leave, John trapped him between the closed door and himself, keeping both of them in the room. "You know, if you stay I could show you some really cool stuff tonight~. Also, I think that they might have somethings that you might like, lemme show you." "F-fine!" he stuttered, as John un-trapped him from the wall. John's phone was grabbed before he showed his boyfriend different things on the app. Soon enough, Alex got attached to the app and was doing trends with John. "How do I do this?" "You pose like this Alex." 

After 15 minutes of learning the basic cosplay posing and how to do it, they tried it together. "And there! It's finally published." John uploaded the video and sat on his bed, gesturing Alex to do the same. He jumped on the bed and cuddled John. "Hey Hammie?" Alex looked to his chest and saw John staring up at him. "Yes Darling?" John smiled up to him and kissed him on the lips. "Nothing, your just happy, and that makes me happy!" Alex grinned before playing with his boyfriends' wavy hair. As they relaxed, John's notification sound came from his phone. As John unlocked his phone he saw a notification from Tik Tok. he went into the app and loaded up the video that they made. "Hey Hammie, we just got our first like!"

HeadCannon: John's on Animal Tik Tok and Alex is Alt Tik Tok.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! q(≧▽≦q)


	6. Quick Headcannon

Why do I feel like George would say SON at the end of everyone's names?

Like imagine this:

JefferSON

HamilSON

LaurenSON

LafeyetteSON

and MulliSon

Like imagine George pulling up and being like, "Oh yes, my HamilSON is over there." Or, "My child JefferSON is in the cabinet."


	7. Coffee

(Please pull up 'Coffee' by Jack Stauber. Also, John is Cursive and everyone else is plain.)

Hamilton was seen standing at a Caribou, ready to order some coffee. Except he wasn't, he was having an questioning himself on why he should and shouldn't get coffee. Lafayette, Mulligan, and Lauren's were behind him, waiting for him to order. They had made an arrangement to go to the presidential debate that's happening in a few hours. The only reason that they were going was because they knew that Alex would try to start a fight on the different topics that they would discuss. So here we are, a very bored group of middle aged men standing around waiting for their fellow friend to get his coffee. 

"Do I need it?" Alex asked, to which John replied."𝓜𝓸𝓬𝓱𝓪!" Lafayette and Mulligan were confused and decided to leave them alone and go sit down. Alex started questioning himself again. "Am I under control, can I beat it?" Lauren's looked to his boyfriend and decided to mess up Alex's train of thought."𝓦𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓾𝓹!" As Alex questioned himself John answered back in the weirdest ways possible.

"If it swallowed me whole, would I see it?"  
"𝓘 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵 𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮"  
"I know, but do I need it to survive?"  
You could hear John laugh in the background.  
"𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓪 𝓼𝓲𝓹!"  
"Does it still matter which one?"  
"𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓪 𝓭𝓻𝓲𝓹!"  
"Am I dumbfounded when I slip?"  
"𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓿𝓮?"  
"I can't believe."  
"𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓿𝓮?"  
"I can't believe."  
"𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓿𝓮?"  
"I can't believe this happened, Wow! French vanilla think I should sit this one out?"  
"𝓝𝓸, 𝓝𝓸, 𝓝𝓸"  
"Maybe a cup of self control would be the route?"  
"𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓽'𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓵𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻, 𝓘𝓽'𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓵𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽?"  
"Maybe so, but it feels better to check than to reflect."  
"𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓪 𝓼𝓲𝓹!"  
"Does it still matter which one?"  
"𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓪 𝓭𝓻𝓲𝓹!"  
"Am I dumbfounded when I slip?"  
Mulligan and Lafayette were ready to go, but instead continued to watch whatever they were doing.  
"𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓿𝓮?"  
"I can't believe."  
"𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓿𝓮?"  
"I can't believe."  
"𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓿𝓮?"  
"I can't believe this happened. Do I need it?"  
"𝓜𝓸𝓬𝓱𝓪!"  
"Am I under control, can I beat it?"  
"𝓦𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓾𝓹!"  
"If it swallowed me whole would I see it?"  
"𝓘 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵 𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮."  
"I know, but do I need you to survive?"  
Lafayette looked at Mulligan and said, "I can't believe this happened." Mulligan agreed with him and said, "Five minutes, we've been standing here for five minutes." As they continued to complain about how long they were there to get coffee, John and Alex continued to conversate.  
"Wow! French vanilla think I should sit this one out?"  
"𝓝𝓸, 𝓝𝓸, 𝓝𝓸"  
"Maybe a cup of self control would be the route?"  
"𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓽'𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓵𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻, 𝓲𝓽'𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓵𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽?"  
"Maybe so, but it feels better to check than to reflect, Oh!"

John looked around and headed towards his friends. "Sorry we took so long, I think I convinced him to get some coffee!" Lafayette looked towards John and replied, "That was the longest convincing that I have ever seen." After that they heard Alex tell the cashier, "I'll have a medium French Vanilla iced Coffee and 4 Apple Fritter's please." The group were happy to hear that they were getting something to eat and ran up to Alex. "Finally, we can go now!" Mulligan said. They all cheered and headed out the door and to the debate. Only to find that it was closed and already over.

Thanks for reading!


	8. Hey!

Hey Everybody! The next chapter will be here soon, I just came to tell you about a new Hamilton College AU that I just made! 

Here's the summary:

Alexander Hamilton is a College student working towards his Bachelor's Degree in Legal Studies. He has no time for friends, especially loud ones that distract him from his work. One day he meets John Laurens; a nervous wreck that is trying to get his Bachelor's Degree in Art. They meet each other and Hamilton doesn't like him, no matter how much Laurens tries to pursue him. As time goes by, John slowly eases himself into Alexander's daily life. What happens when something causes a gap in their friendship?

The ships in this are Maria/Peggy, Thomas/James/, Alexander/John, Past James Reynolds/Maria, Aaron/Theodosia Prevost Burr, and Lafayette/Hercules! 

Check this story out if you want, the first chapter isn't up yet, just a list of ages, who's in it, where they go, and the update schedule. 

Have a good rest of your day and stay safe!


	9. John's Realization

"Meat is just slowly decaying bodily matter that we eat to survive. Intestines are just bloody noodles that are stuffed with food like a Ravioli. We are just in a pocket of space and time, probably already dead in the future with no one to remember us, And water is just heavy oxygen." 

Hamilton looked at his boyfriend and stared.

"John, are you okay?"

Said adult looked back to his boyfriend and said in the most calmest voice, "No Alex."

"Okay." 

Later that night Hamilton called Thomas and asked him how to know if his John was sane.

Thomas laughed and hung up the phone, leaving Alex alone with his boyfriend that was contemplating life.


	10. If your happy and you know it say meow

Alexander and his boyfriend John were relaxing in their living room. A white fluffy cat walked into the living room and jumped onto the couch next to them. Laurens looked at the cat before getting up from his cuddling position with Alex. He reached over and grabbed the cat, said cat was being carried limply into his lap. They stared at the cat and watched her lick her paws. "I got it!" Laurens suddenly exclaimed. He looked at the cat before singing to it. "If your happy and you know it say meow!" The cat looked at him before meowing. The couple was shocked and quickly tried it again. "If your happy and you know it say meow." Alex gave it a shot, only to hear the cat meow again. John squealed in happiness before singing again. "If your happy and you know it, and you really want to show it; if your happy and you know it say meow!" They looked at the cat before watching her meow and jump off of their laps. 

"Oh my God she's so adorable!" As John continued screaming in happiness, Alex watched on in satisfaction. He quickly took his phone out before aiming it at Laurens before taking a picture. He noticed and looked towards Alexander in confusion. "Why did you take a picture of me?" He was honestly confused, why would anyone want a picture of him? Nobody had before so why now? "It's for memories, plus your really cute when you get all excited like this." Hamilton smiled before lying his head onto John's lap and closing his eyes. "Oh, w-well I'm glad you think I'm cute." Lauren's stammered in embarrassment before looking down seeing a sleeping Alexander below him. 'I guess a nap wouldn't hurt.' John closed his eyes before falling asleep, their cat next to them enjoying the warmth of her owners.

Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait, I hope that you liked this chapter and I'll see you guys next time!


	11. John discovers Corpse Husband

It was a warm sunny day in New York, bees were buzzing, cars were honking, and John was screaming. 

"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!" You see, John was watching some gameplay for the newly popular game Among Us. While watching it, he had learned of a famous player called Corpse Husband. He had ended up binge watching his videos and found some of Corpse's music. 'I bet it's gonna be awesome!' John thought, however, once he actually played one of his songs...

'𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆-' 

He ended up panicking and trying to turn it off. Accidently turning the volume louder as he did so, along with somehow unplugging his earbuds. Now all you could hear in their house was lewd lyrics and a screaming John. It also happened to be the exact same time Alex had decided to come home.

"Hey John, I'm ho-" He took one look at the panicking John rolling around on the floor before he actually payed attention to what the lyrics were saying. 

'𝑻𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒇𝒇, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚, 𝑰'𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒏-'

"Um, John?"   
Laurens looked towards his boyfriend and blushed. "Yeah Hammie?"  
Alex tried to stifle his laugh. "What are you listening to?"  
It took a minute for John to collect his thoughts and start talking.  
"It's a catchy song with dirty lyrics, a guy I watch that plays Among Us made it."  
Alex walked towards his boyfriend before sitting on the floor. "Can we watch some of his videos? His music is interesting so I'm sure his videos will be too."  
John looked pretty happy and reached to grab his phone before loading up one of Corpse Husband's videos. While they were watching Corpse's videos, Alex changed his ringtone to E GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE to embarrass his boyfriend. 

Time skip to next week when Alex and John are talking to George, his ringtone goes off. '𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆-'   
George gave off a look of horror while John turned as pale as a ghost. "ALEX!"

Author's note: Sorry for the long wait, haven't really been motivated to do anything lately. I hope you guys liked this, also, I have some creepy books on my profile if you want to check em' out.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my Hamilton crack!


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